While living abroad is exciting and new, it can also feel very temporary. As a result I am constantly asking myself questions about what the future holds. Let me break it down!
While preparing to move to South Korea, my greatest fear was not being accepted into the Epik program. But I am here and I am so grateful...But now, I am always wondering what's next for my life. How long will I stay in Korea? When will I get married? Who will I marry? Will I go back to school? etc.
When I video call my family in America, I feel like I am missing out. Their lives are moving forward even in my abscence. And that scares me. If only I could stop time and press play when I return to home.
My biggest fear is that one of them (God forbid) suddenly dies, and I will reget moving away because I will have missed out on the time and memories I should've made with them.
Last September my sister gave birth to her second child, a gorgeous baby boy. The more time I spend away, I feel that he and I won't know each other. And that somehow I will not be remembered.
I also fear that my father may not be around to walk me down the aisle, so for this reason I think I should get married as soon as possible. Neither one of us are getting any younger.
Thankfully, being back at church lately has given me peace that God has the power to keep my family safe and in tact while I am away. And even if He doesn't, His will be done.
Another fear is that I make the wrong decision, whether to go home or stay in Korea another year. Or even move to another country. So my greatest fear is truly that the possibilities are endless. Having lived abroad, I know that I can do anything I desire to do, and do it well. So I am reminded of a poem that I heard quoted by my 8th grade english teacher:
When my teacher quoted this, it was after I had pretened not to do my homework in an effort to help all my other classmates not get in trouble. But I was actually doing myself and my classmates a disservice.
After today's church service, I casually brought up the fact that I wrote a book to one of my church members. He was shocked and asked if anybody else knew about the book. Only a handful of people did.
The truth is, that I want people to know about the book, but I don't want to come off as arrogant. I also don't want people to have high expectations of me, because I am talented. At the end of the day I am still human. But perhaps I forgot that the gifts I have are God-given and when I allow those gifts to shine they help others. So its not about me at all.
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Who am I not to be. I am a child of God.
Do not hid your greatness. Let it shine, through and through.