Yes! It's another diary style dump of everything that's been happening in my brain for the past month or more. I was gonna do a more formal post but, I really wanna vent a little. So please lend me your ear (your eyes and attention)!
As I type this I have 26 days until I leave South Korea. It's bittersweet. I am ready to see my family. But I am also reflecting on all of the great and some not so great experiences I've had in the past three years. I'm also remembering when living in Korea seemed like such a big grand dream. I literaly lived my dream here. To God be the glory! Honestly, all of it was a blessing. The good, the bad, and the butt ugly. The phrase, "you win or you learn" comes to mind. I don't know who said it, but I lived it. I won and I learned.
I am still learning.
So much has been revealed to me in the last two months. And still being revealed. And it's been painful. Self-consciousness is painful. I feel ashamed of the ugly parts of myself. But I also feel grateful that God loves me so much that he wants to know those deep parts of me so that he can heal them. Feeling God's love for me in spite of my ugliness, makes me have compassion towards myself and towards others.
Also, because this revealing happened slowly and then all of a sudden, I am confident that God is preparing me for my destiny. I am under the knife so to speak. God is giving me a new heart; the heart I will need for the places he will take me in the future. (1 Samuel 10:9).
And speaking of scripture! I have a new found love for scripture thanks to three new things in my life: All Nations Worship Assembly, my therapist, and an online class I'm taking via HarvardX called, Christianity Through the Scriptures. Since the end of November I have watched four sermon series from ANWA and each one of them simultaneously snatched my wig and blessed me. Since my birthday in December, I started having online therapy sessions via Better Help, and it's probably the best money I spent in 2020. Lastly, simply out of my desire for a deeper understanding of scripture in context I wanted to take the online class.
The funny things is that all three of these things are often aligned in a strange yet supernatural way that could only be the Holy Spirit. This is something that happened to me often when I was a full time student. When something I'm learning in one class overlaps with something I'm learning in one or two other classes, the hair on my arms stands up.
And just to give a bit more detail and brag on my therapist, Better Help has been so beneficial to me. I was blessed to get it right on the first try, which is not always the case. My therapist is also a spiritual counselor, so much of the work we do is through the lens of the bible. For my specific needs, I have had Genesis 3 sauteed, grilled, baked, steamed, fried, and poached! I didn't even realize the amount of revelation I could take away from the story of the fall of man. But cheers to mental and spiritual health!
And as for Christianity Through the Scriptures...Wow! It's amazing how much you can miss when you just attend church but don't develop a personal habit of study. The scripture has come alive to me in a way I have never experienced. And the natural student in me takes so much delight in learning the bible like a scholar rather than a church goer or dare I say...a regular "christian."
What I mean by this is that I have learned everything from the history of Christianity regarding its spread around the world, to the canonization (yes, vocabulary!!) of the bible, and various modes of interpretation! This week I wrote a pretty dope midterm essay about how people who share a common set of scriptures, can be so diverse in living out their traditions. I can't wait to see what the final exam calls for!
Being a student is one of my favorite jobs! I will always be open to learning in or out of a traditional classroom setting!
I almost forgot! Remember that book I was writing? It. Is. Finished *drops mic* The way I danced around my apartment right before writing the final scene!! But to keep it real, I still have some final editing to do, but I am starting the process of finding a woman of color publishing agent and getting this fiction novel in a bookstore near youuuu!
Finally, I have six days left of my vacation. Six days to sift through all of my belongs and trash it or stash it!! Can't I just put my apartment in the overhead compartment on the airplane!? Ugh!
But anyway~ I don't know how to gracefully end this post, but I want to leave you with a scripture that has been my earnest prayer in this season:
Psalms 139:23-24 (ESV) "Search me, O, God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"